I am writing this entry on the day it is supposed to be written on:
Author Archives: nicktingle
61
Once again I missed writing an entry.
60
OK….this entry and the date of it match correctly. Or, let’s say I am writing this entry for Oct. 29 on Wednesday, Oct. 29.
59 (Oct. 28)
I did not write yesterday, Tuesday, October 28.
57 (for Oct. 26) and 58 (for Oct. 27)
Apparently forgot to write yesterday, Sunday.
56
Having gone up to six milligrams of valium, I slept longer though not better. I felt terrible most of the morning. Just dragging my ass.
55
Writing about the 24th on morning of 25th….
54
Another rough one. Woke at 3 am again.
It’s the time of year when the sky is covered by immense flocks of migrating birds coming down the Atlantic flyway…..all of suddenI mellthe air and realize
53
Things are not going well. I woke at 3 am and didn’t get fully back to sleep for more than an hour. No idea why. No dreams anyway.
52
Another bad one. Horrible low energy in the morning especially. Woke at 3 am from a violent dream. I rarely, if ever, dream of violence; but I was sticking a knife in a person’s arm (or him in me or both). Took a while to get back to sleep; I was disquieted by this rare dream of violence. Have no idea what it was about.
51
Fatigue unabated. Have to feel it’s the drugs, plus the EMDR, plus S’s condition. Plus I woke at 430 am and didn’t get back to sleep properly.
50
The fatigue continues.
49
Exhausted again.
48
Carol screwed up and said the Halloween party at the club was today and they were going to shut down at 2 to prepare. Not true. It’s next Friday. So this fucked up my usual routine and pissed me off to boot. I am savagely tired.
47
Continued new regimen (2nd night?) of .25 clonazepam and 5 milligrams Valium.
46
First day at .25 milligrams clonazepam and at 5. milligrams Valium.
45
Another much less than optimal day.
44
Woke up in a purely awful mood and haven’t been able to shake it.
43
Tough morning.
42
Sleep not satisfying, even though we lay abed till nine.
41
Long day without much in it.
40
Late in the day.
39
Slept less well last night. Woke round 5 am and did not sleep soundly after.
38
Slept almost through the night. A miracle.
37
Woke round 520 and really didn’t sleep soundly after that.
36
Took 1 more milligram of Valium (to make a total of 3.5 milligrams) for the first time last night.
35
Terrible day. Disturbing even. My mind is a mess. I can’t concentrate on anything.
34
Tried to sleep without apnea mask. That was a mistake. Woke Carol round 1:30 am making snorting sounds. Woke again at 5 with mask on and throat absolutely raw from mouth breathing. That was about it, as far as sleep went.
33
A brutal day.
32
BAD! BAD! BAD! And even worse….it that’s possible.