Going on 33 days at 0 (?) milligrams

This is the absolute worst.  I keep finding new and un-imagined levels of misery.

Last night, didn’t get to sleep till 2.  Went downstairs, but that didn’t work.  Up or down, in my bed or not, I just lay there with achy muscles, burning sensation in nose, plenty of post nasal drip, tinnitus, and waves of anxiety sweeping over me.

Finally, having discussed the choice with Carol, I took .25 milligrams of Valium (thus reinstating), and did get to sleep till around six.  The sleep was terrible and then I tossed and turned.

Got up, fixed breakfast, and just sat in the big red chair for over an hour.

Did not going grocery shopping as planned.

I feel like a failure having not done what I had planned, having stayed awake till 2 (even though I did a complete workout yesterday), and having taken that damn med again.

I think my psychiatrist has hinted this might happen.  Don’t be too hard on yourself, he has said, if you have to backtrack a little.

For the record: David Bowie died day before yesterday.  He was 69.

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