This is the absolute worst. I keep finding new and un-imagined levels of misery.
Last night, didn’t get to sleep till 2. Went downstairs, but that didn’t work. Up or down, in my bed or not, I just lay there with achy muscles, burning sensation in nose, plenty of post nasal drip, tinnitus, and waves of anxiety sweeping over me.
Finally, having discussed the choice with Carol, I took .25 milligrams of Valium (thus reinstating), and did get to sleep till around six. The sleep was terrible and then I tossed and turned.
Got up, fixed breakfast, and just sat in the big red chair for over an hour.
Did not going grocery shopping as planned.
I feel like a failure having not done what I had planned, having stayed awake till 2 (even though I did a complete workout yesterday), and having taken that damn med again.
I think my psychiatrist has hinted this might happen. Don’t be too hard on yourself, he has said, if you have to backtrack a little.
For the record: David Bowie died day before yesterday. He was 69.