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Things are not going well.  I woke at 3 am and didn’t get fully back to sleep for more than an hour.  No idea why.  No dreams anyway.

Grim, grim fatigue in morning.  Sat for half hour on sofa, after C left for work, just not moving or thinking or much of anything.
I will up Valium .25 milligrams tonight in preparation for a .5 tablespoon drop in clonazepam on Friday.
There’s no way out of this but straight ahead.
DJ goes back to visit S and B tomorrow.  Long flight, long day.  DJ has figured out he can walk to S’s if he has to.
I feel broken: 68 years old, feel useless and worthless in retirement, aching muscles, no energy, dying brother, can’t sleep, and trying to get off a horrible med I have been taking for over 20 fucking years.
Shit!
Did 20 on recumbent;  30 on elliptical, and .5 mile swim.

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