Horribly tired and despondent. As if at 70 and going through a drug withdrawal, my life is in effect done. Over. Kaput. Or: to say it another way, not sure what going on is all about, except to say the biological mechanism isn’t quite prepared to call it quits.
Just waiting around and killing time.
Dreams, in late morning, have become more vigorous and are uniformly painful, with thoughts of the past, and people missed, and opportunities unrealized. Nothing but regrets. I appear unable to locate anything positive or worthwhile in the past I did live. It was such a struggle, just to keep this side of the insanity line.
Have I mentioned. I have not used the CPAP device, for sleep apnea, in over a month. I just quit. I was waking up over and over again with dry mouth and throat. I am so weary though I think I might go back to using it except for the fact that I don’t believe I need it. I am not snoring anymore even with this titanic cold.
The cold, I think, is “resolving.” Not as much PND at night.
I worked out the last two days for an hour and 20 minutes, 800 calories. But no swimming. It’s just too cold and I don’t want to chance making the cold worse or causing it to linger.