Going on day 25 at 0 milligrams

Well, this is just awful.

The withdrawal continues.  Yesterday and today, I am ready to jump out of my skin.  Additionally, my negative self image is just incredible and expands hourly. I can’t stand looking at my aged self in the mirror.  Either my face or my body. Both are horrible.  And my neck doesn’t look like a neck anymore.  Just sagging skin.

What’s worse.  I forget more and more daily.  Yesterday, I was in Jacuzzi with a guy I had not seen for months.  Last I saw him, he had stints put in and had trouble breathing.  I think I had concluded that he was dead.   But, no, there he was and I couldn’t remember his name.  Carol remembered it–she was there–and Greg, he was there too.  But I couldn’t remember, Doug, even though I had chatted with him on and off for a couple years about his various physical complaints.

And the other day, I saw some numbers glowing the stove, and couldn’t figure out what they were for.  The oven timer, maybe.  I wasn’t sure, but figured I would figure it out later. and I did with a shock.  It was the clock, the numbers for the time of day.  How could I have not recognized that.  These little shocks…that happen multiple times daily, that remind me of my morality…load me down with fear and anxiety.

On another subject.  It’s finally raining.  A good over night soaking and water backing up on golf course.

So I worked out yesterday.  No swimming lately.  Too cold, and my congestion, while less, still hangs on.  But I did the bike for an hour and twenty minutes for 800 calories.

Found a nice summary treatment of Self-Development and College writing, “The Other Side of Pedagogy,” on Google books.

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