Today is October 12, been 6 days since I last wrote here.
Have only to say: this is the worst it has been.
I feel, especially in the mornings, nearly suicidal with fatigue and depressed thoughts. I am happy I do not own a gun and have no desire to get one.
2/3’s of death by gun are suicides in these Fucked Up States.
I have to believe that the ongoing miserable heat is playing some role in my despair. I am just exhausted. Yesterday was like 85 or 86, the day before 91, and the day before that 95 and we have no AC. Yesterday three people in the same afternoon described the weather as brutal. I think that a fair assessment.
Still I continue to workout daily. Were it not for that, don’t know what I would do. The exercise shakes up the system and takes some of the edge off the suicidal despair. I mean what am I going through this for. I probably have only a few years left to live and what have I got…ashes in my mouth. Fuck it.