Going on 5 days at 1.5 milligrams

It’s Tuesday, November 3.

Today–and last night–among the worst so far experienced.
Woke at 3:30 from cat yowling with dry throat from open mouth breathing.  Really felt bad. Nose stuffy and cpap mask making noise all through the wee hours.
Really didn’t sleep much after the cat woke me; some, I guess, between 5 and 6, a little between six and seven.
Got up at 7:30 cause I just couldn’t stand it in bed anymore with all that darkness starting to pour in.
I am concerned.
It’s 11:30 now, and I haven’t done a damn thing.  I did make and eat breakfast; and I called back to SC to have flowers placed at Steve’s grave to mark the one year anniversary of his death.  That happened last November 15, 2014.
It’s been a year and a lot has happened in that year.  We spent a month, for example, in Manhattan, but it feels as if Steve died just yesterday.  I remember with photographic vividness the first time I visited hospice for some grief counseling.
I called Dan because he had emailed about when Steve died exactly.  So I called him, and told him about the flowers, and asked him about his job hunt.  Nothing so far.
My sense of time is being additionally screwed up by the clock change.
At some level, I am terrified.
Yesterday worked out an hour on bike, 30 on elliptical, and .5 mile swim in the rain.  Not much rain, but some.
The temperature dropped dramatically yesterday from the low 80’s to the low 70’s.  About time.

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