7 days at 2.5 Milligrams

Today is Thursday.  I did not write on Tuesday or Wednesday.  

Both of those days were equally bad, both being only maybe a tiny hair less bad than Monday.
The heated continues unabated.  Supposedly some drop into the 70’s this weekend, but back up to the mid-80’s by the following weekend.
Today is October 1.
David made it to Canada yesterday; he walked some 2600 miles in six months.
I am nearly completely crushed.  I keep hoping for an upswing but it doesn’t come.
I forced myself to go to Carol’s book signing yesterday evening and felt a little lighter or more in control immediately afterwards.  But my morning  today that was all gone.
I woke first at about 315 and didn’t get back to sleep till after 415.  I was trying out a new mask.  It is not working correctly.  I had to change back to the old one in the middle of the night.
The pain of withdrawal is creeping even into my exercise time. I am 15 minutes in and suddenly anxiety hits and I wonder what the hell am I doing, why am I doing this, and I think about just stopping and going home.  But what would I do there?  Sleep?  But I probably couldn’t sleep, and if I could what would that mean….snore away the rest of my days?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *