64

This entry, 64, was supposed to be written yesterday, Nov. 2, but I missed it.  So this is the Nov. 2 entry written on Nov. 3.

My decision to drop down a whole tablespoon in what remains of my eight tablespoons of clonazepam might have been a mistake.  I did up the Valium to 7 milligrams.  But I have been in pretty bad shape since.
Saturday was the terrible C is unfaithful day, and in the online session with brothers I really could do nothing but sit there and grin occasionally, mostly trying not to be rude, as they talked on about this and that and I am eyeballing S’s corner of the screen where he is slowly dying. As DJ said today, most likely we would not have seen S at all if B. were not back there to help him out.  D. said he was making a plane reservation back there for Jan. 5 but DJ and I feel S may not make it that long.
I cannot think straight.  The withdrawal is killing me, there are people crawling all over my shelter, repairing and painting, and scraping and running machines, S is dying.  And they went and changed the clocks with that fucking daylight savings time thing. Every year that change kicks me in the nuts for a week, and to really top it off, C. is leaving for Chicago on Wednesday morning.
Still I made it to the club.  Did 20 on recumbent; 30 on elliptical, and .5 mile swim.  But the exercise, while it mitigated, did not get rid of my low grade foul mood (as it usually does).

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