Going on 32 days at 0 milligrams

Well, just about a month with zero benzo, and no let up.  No sign of a break.  It’s worse than ever.

Woke at 10 till 4 last night and was up for an hour and a half.  Aching all over, and convinced, because of a random cough, that I am in the first stages of lung cancer (a persistent cough being one of the signs of that).

I have thought about taking .5 milligrams of Valium to take the edge off,  because the edge is pretty bad, and if .5 could take away that edge, I might be able to convince myself that what I suffer is withdrawal and not some malignant precursor to death.  So far I haven’t done that, what do they call it, “reinstate” myself on the drug.

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