72

A dark dark day.  Nasty feelings that were like a weight on my chest all day long.

Received the following from B:
They are discontinuing all drugs that are not comfort (pain, antisezuire, decadrone). Adding trazadone patch for congestion, oxygen has been ordered. They are getting some pink cotton swabs so we can keep his mouth wet when he breaths though his mouth. They will get some ensure. He might only have a week or two left.

M. said that sometimes, when a patient gets the pain under control, and they are able to rest, that triggers the start of a rapid decline.

I feel for S. and am terrified for myself with 69 looming just around the corner. The end for me too is not that very far off. I want to make the best I can of the rest of my time, but this is very difficult struggling with depression and fatigue. The result both of the existential situation and this transition off the terrible drug. Makes me wonder why I am doing it.

Also now that I am smoking two or three cigarettes a day for nearly a week I will have to go through the agony of nicotine withdrawal again..

While it was good, Carol is exhausted I think from her trip.

Trazadone? For congestion. I took that at one time for depression and to help with sleep.

Did 30 on elliptical, 20 on recumbent, plus .5 mile swim.

DA walks nine miles a day.

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