Another rough one.  Woke at 3 am again.

C says I am grim and a nervous wreck.
Could be.
Went to therapist; did not do EMDR.  Did talk about family nexus; and how it defines and drags one in.  Me, as the number one son, and re: RD Laing the center of a dysfunctional family.  The center, as in being a toilet or funnel for all the family shit.
Which is being played out even now, at this late, in my relation with brothers, most especially with Brother S and his current situation.
Speaking of: he posted a good bit on FB today:  as in:
It’s The seekers. A good folk or beatnik group……I’m gaining to use this space to All Chronicle some stages in what I want to call my spiritual development…my first mystical memory… I’m sitting in a fallow field in Ora S.C ….it’s late Summer and I am out playing by myself because Nick has started first grade at Ford School…..
It’s the time of year when the sky is covered by immense flocks of migrating birds coming down the Atlantic flyway…..all of suddenI mellthe air and realize

And he tried to pluck out something on FB on his guitar.

I will draw out .5 tablespoon from clonazepam tonight and see how it goes.  Can’t be much worse that it is now.

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