BAD! BAD! BAD! And even worse….it that’s possible.

Last night dropped another .5 tablespoon.  That means I am 3/8’s down on the klonopin with 5/8’s still to go.
I also continued to take 2.5 milligrams of diazepam.
I slept horribly.  Partly my horrible sleep apnea mask, but problems with that possibly aggravated by withdrawal.  Woke at 4 and though I dream a bit don’t think I ever really got back to sleep.
Woke with an ache in my neck and feeling as if people had spent the night hitting me with sticks.
It seems somehow fundamentally wrong that a person should wake, from the supposed respite of sleep, and feel worse than he had upon going to bed. Makes me feel as if things are going backward every day.
I can’t say I had thoughts any worse than usual but that didn’t make me feel any less grim.
Don’t seem quite as easily aggravated as yesterday.
But the fatigue really did not lift.  Usually I look forward, not that long ago, to my daily exercise (the center of my day); but now while I do look forward to it, I wonder–I feel so tired–if I can and should do it.  What if I make myself sick or something or completely wear out my joints with all the repetitive activity–so that I eventually just collapse into a bag of bones.
“oh how weary, flat, stale, and unprofitable seem to me all the uses of this world.”
Bought a book over amazon by some Norwegian because the reviewer said that perhaps the novelist’s POV is misanthropic.  I am feeling more and more than way myself.  Things change.  At 68 my idealism seems threadbare.
Swam .5 miles; 20 minutes of bike, plus 30 on elliptical.
Tonight will be second night at the new reduced dose.  Sunday night I will reduce again .5 tablespoons.

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