Kapow! Acrappy!


Back to feeling like Monday.
Almost immobile, can’t talk, actually took a morning nap from round 1115 to 12.  Nothing else I could do.
Probably need to up the diazapam but the weather sure didn’t help either.
It was still over 80 at 10 pm.  As the sun went down, the temp went up; hot air flowing in from over the mountains.  It hit 93 some time yesterday.
Really a nasty feeling, like pus, like pus with blood in it, like pus with blood in it coming out of your gums, like shit on your fingers, like teeth falling out. 
Told Carol I feel like a failure cause we don’t have a real house, just this stinking SoCal condo that’s impossible to heat or cool properly.
And the constant noise.  I hear kids screaming at the moment and one of those fucking dust blowers.  Earlier the dust blowers, plus air planes coming for for landing, plus the beep-beep-beep of trucks backing up, hammers whacking away from construction across the field. Machine sounds, I was about to scream.
So in addition to feeling whatever one feels like when one sees bloody pus coming out of one’s gums, I feel very irritable, on a short fuse…
Slept for shit in the heat.  Three nights now of sleeping for shit.
Tonight I will take out the usual 1.5 tablespoons, and probably take 1.75 milligrams of diazapam.

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